I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
