We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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