We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
