You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
