thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
