Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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