i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
