Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
