does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
