So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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