so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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