Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize