Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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