He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
