you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
