Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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