it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
is it fun? or sober?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize