So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
