hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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