I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
this is an emotional support booty call
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
