So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
