I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
don't judge my taste in strippers
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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