I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize