I got chris browned last night
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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