I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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