I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
