if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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