The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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