Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
