i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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