ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
