If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
