just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
