So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
