I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
