I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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