so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
