Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
