I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize