We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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