Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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