never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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