I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Dear god my vagina.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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