She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
