can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He felt like a one man threesome
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
