We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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