you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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