happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
