I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So vagazzling was a success
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
