$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
