remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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