We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
