Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
