That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I want to fling myself into the sun
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
