Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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