we have officially lost it.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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