No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
