Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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