I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
