R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
