ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
