dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
