Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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