Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize