How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
