this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
