a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
