apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
