I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
