just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
