I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
