My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
