I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
