I can tuck mytits in my pants
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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