Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
