He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
