Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize