I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You pole danced in your parka.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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