Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
