WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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