Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
