for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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