i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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